Is having oral sex considered cheating?? I want my partner to have oral sex with guys (giving & receiving) when we are in different parts of the country. I am usually gone for about 4 - 6 months at a time. I have told her I would not mind her having just oral sex with guys but she is not sure. If ground rules
are set before hand I don't see a problem. What is your opinion??

Wade

You are asking a loaded question. Let me break out the different parts of your statement, and then discuss each aspect.

First, . . . . . . Cheating is when one person is not being honest with the other person about what they are doing. So strictly speaking, if you give your woman permission to do whatever she does, it cannot be cheating. The same goes the other way. If she gives YOU permission to do something, it isnt cheating
either. In other words, if your woman was to tell you please don't masturbate, and you do anyway, technically that is cheating. Interestingly enough, the Bible agrees with exactly that, and says so specifically! So this is not a religious argument. Think of it as a game of cards. Cheating is sneaking cards that you should not have, right? So if you tell everyone what cards you are taking outside the rules of the game, then you are not cheating, because of the full disclosure. And that disclosure must happen BEFORE the incident, not after you get caught.

There is nothing more important to a relationship than trust. Cheating, in the literal sense, destroys trust. Do what ever you can to maintain the trust you have in each other, cause once its gone, its gone baby! And you can't get it back.

So . . . . . if you tell your lady that you WANT her to have oral sex with others while you are away, and she does, that cannot be considered cheating. She may not do it, even with your permission. She has her own free will. Emotionally, she may not be able to control her guilt. Women are big on making themselves feeling guilty for enjoying sex. One of our biggest problems in past decades.

Now, about you wanting her to have oral sex with guys . . . many women do not enjoy oral sex all that much, especially when it is their mouth that is being utilized. Some women do greatly enjoy giving fellatio to a friend. But most are only willing to do it with the man they love. They do it as an act of giving, to show you that they are willing to do this for you. That is the way we are built, hon.

If your lady friend WANTS to do this with men she does not love, then I say tell her that it is OK with you. Just be aware that women tend to allow their hearts to follow their sex drive. So if she finds a fill-in lover that she enjoys, you may come home to an empty bedroom.

Remember, men like sex in order to orgasm. Women like sex to further a relationship and to give of themselves. That can be a slippery slope.

Either way, the key is good communication. For instance, you could tell your lady that you want her to feel free to receive oral sex so long as she calls you and talks to you while it is going on. Some men don't understand how important it is to women to talk. Especially to talk to their loved ones. We need the emotional reinforcement of our loved ones telling us it is OK to do this. Fear of losing you can ruin any enjoyment she may get out of sexing with another person. So make sure you constantly reinforce her emotionally if she does decide to do this.

Now think about it, the closer one gets to an orgasm, the harder it is to say "NO" when your lady is nearing her climax, she may not have the will power to not accept her fill-in lover's penis into her vagina. What would you do then? Be brutally honest when you answer that in your own head.

And then there is the reputation thing. It is easy for the gossips of the world to castigate people who enjoy sex. So have your lady be careful, or she may gain the reputation of being a slut. Not that the term slut is bad, I proudly admit to being a slut. But most women have been raised to believe that being a
slut is a bad thing, and would be devastated by the term being used in connection with them.

So talk, agree, be specific about what you will and won't do, and what SHE may do and not do when you are not around. WRITE IT DOWN! And then both of you sign it. That way you can both remember what you really said, not what you
remember you said. This step alone can stop a lot of fighting and hurt feelings.

I wish you the best.

A Proud Slut . . . . .

Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice

We Love your site and blog, they are great.
My girlfriend and I have a great relationship and want to improve it more, but
she has a problem, She can get to orgasm only with oral. How can she get it
with intercourse?
And how can she squirt cum?

Thanks
Soorousch

This can be a frustrating situation for women. There are several causes for what you describe.

First, most people think that jamming your cock in and out of a woman's vagina is sexy to her. It may feel good, but if you want your lover to orgasm from vaginal intercourse, you must stimulate the nerve centers that accomplish that.

While penetration can feel very good, the true sexual expert knows that the vagina in and of itself is not overly sensitive. The most sensitive parts of the vagina are the under-side of the clitoris (called the G-Spot) and her hooded clittie.

And only the top few inches of her vagina have any real feeling to them. Once you are past this, very little feeling exists, therefore little stimulation occurs.

So how do you stimulate the woman's most sensitive parts during intercourse?

There are two good ways.

First, instead of thrusting in and out of her vagina, push your penis all the way into her, and then move your hips in a circle so that the base of your penis caresses her clitoral hood. With each tiny circle, she will feel her clittie being massaged by her clitoral hood. This can be incredibly sensual! And because there is very little movement required, you will not get worn out so fast. And because there is little stimulation to your penis, you will be able to last as long as you like! This technique is great for premature ejaculators!

Second, to hit her G-Spot, find a way to allow your penis to strike that area just inside her vagina that lies directly under her clitoris. It is easiest to find it with your fingers first, and then teach yourself to give it penile massage as you make love. I have previously posted an article that describes finding a woman's G-Spot. Generally speaking, if from behind her you slide your penis strait down the crevice between her butt cheeks, your cock will most likely strike her G-Spot once it enters her and collides with the forward wall of her vagina. This same effect can occur if you enter her anally at the same angle.

Men with a shaped penis may be able to allow the head of their penis to strike it even if they are making love in the missionary position. That is one reason I so cherish men with a distinct upward curve to their penis.

Again, it is best to use the head of your penis to massage the G-Spot, not assault it. Press against it, move your penis across it and then pull it back across it. The angle of your penetration is critical. If you are not angled properly as you move your penis about in her vagina, you will hit other parts that are not as sensitive nor stimulating to your lady friend. Once again, this technique uses far less energy and makes it much easier to control your ejaculation timing. A circling motion again often works best to accomplish this massage.

Now let me tell you that women can rarely orgasm unless everything in their lives is right. In other words, worries, fear, inhibitions, emotional pressure can all be responsible for a woman's inability to orgasm. Fear of pregnancy, fear of discovery, fear of loss of reputation, etc, can all cause her to be unable to soar to bliss.

Now, about squirting. Few women can let go enough to squirt. I have posted previous article about squirting and how to move toward it. I suggest you read it once your woman has learned to orgasm vaginally. Squirting does not produce cum in the male sense. Instead it looks like she is peeing. It is not urine, and it does not taste like urine (it is almost tasteless, like a man's 'pre-cum'), but it looks like she is peeing when it squirts. And it is messy!!!!!! So be ready for it once she learns the techniques.

But when she does, . . . . oh my god . . . . . will her life change!

I wish you the best, sweetie! May you learn to drive your woman wild! You already have the primary qualification, . . . . . you care about her satisfaction.

Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice