Dear Deni
Ok, so before my current boyfriend, I had a man
with a rather large penis.....about 9 inches, and
VERY thick. Let's just say my vagina isn't what
it used to be after him.
My current boyfriend is only about 7 inches, and
about average thickness.
We've tried many positions, but none seem to work
as well as missionary. I've tried being on top,
but it just doesn't seem to work well. Is it
because he's too small, or because I'm too loose?
He's tried doggie, but that doesn't seem to work
well either....I was gonna suggest we take it off
the bed, and try it standing up, or having me on
the edge of the bed and he stands up.
I don't have that much sexual experience. He's
only the second man I've had sex with.
I guess I'm just asking for position advice. So
that I may be able to feel it a bit more, and so
we can have good penetration....
We are both kinda chunky too, I wouldn't say fat,
just chunky. I think this may have something to
do with our problems as well.
Any advice you could give me would be great.
PP
Dear PP,
I suspect that your “problem” has little to do
with weight or size. I think rather that the
problem is your vagina is “out of shape”. By out
of shape, I do not mean that it was “stretched”
out of shape. I mean instead that your vaginal
muscles are not well toned.
Unfortunately, very few women these days spend
time exercising their vaginal muscles. If your
vagina is large by nature, it is even more
critical to exercise those internal muscles.
When you were with your hugely endowed lover, his
thick penis was probably thick enough that he had
a great deal of sensation naturally, even if your
vaginal muscles were not strong.
But now you are with a man who is normal, shall
we say ‘average’ in endowment. That means that
in order to stimulate his penis, and your vagina,
you need to strengthen your vaginal muscles.
One type of exercise is called Kegels, so named
after Dr. Kegel, a urinary specialist many
decades ago. Kegels are an exercise where you
start peeing and then stop the flow of your urine
ten or more times as you urinate. It is an
excellent exercise for both men and women. In
fact, if a person is having problems controlling
their bladder, it is the normal exercise
prescribed by doctors.
There are quite a few other muscle sets that can
be used to stimulate your lover’s penis while it
is inside you.
1. The muscles you use to START peeing (as
opposed to STOP peeing while performing the Kegel
exercise),
2. The muscles you use to try to defecate (poop),
3. The muscles you use to “hold it” when you need
to defecate,
4. The muscles you use to “hold it” when you need
to pee,
5. The abdominal muscles you stiffen when your
tummy is feeling kind of achy or crampy,
6. The back muscles you use when you stretch over
backwards,
7. The inner groin and hip muscles you use when
you sashay along sexily, and
8. The muscle that you have at the mouth of your
vagina.
These are all exercises you can do at ANY times,
such as driving, typing, reading, waiting, etc.
I have worked out a regimen for flexing all of
these muscle groups that I do many, many times a
day. I particularly like doing them when I see a
person I would like to have sex with! It is a
great adjunct to flirting, knowing I am
exercising my “fucking muscles” as I stare at a
potential suitor.
My vagina can stretch large enough to take a
baseball bat, and then contract down and pleasure
a small male’s penis. I work hard at keeping my
vaginal muscles in shape. And my male lovers
REALLY appreciate this.
The motion the person on top uses during
penetration can have a profound affect on a
woman’s stimulation. The best way to arrive at
mutual release in my opinion is not in and out
thrusting. Instead, try rotating your hips
slightly so that your clittie is pressed
continuously by his pubic bone. If he is on top,
or you are on top makes little difference. Find
that special spot where it feels good to you,
and make the motion that stimulates that spot.
This is also a great way for a man who is
troubled by premature ejaculation to be able to
“hold it” longer before he spurts.
I have cum over twenty times with lovers that do
it this way rather than the normal thrusting in
and out.
Another important thing to recognize is that
penetration past the first several inches of your
vagina does not necessarily increase your
feelings of pleasure during intercourse. There
are SOME women who have sensitivities deep within
their vaginal sheathe, but not many.
And of course, your lover could always fist you
(put his whole hand inside you) as you two
experiment and you are working on strengthening
your vaginal muscles! You could even utilize his
hand inside you to help you recognize the muscle
sets that need building up!
I wish you good sex, sweetheart. Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice |
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