Then a few years later (after being in a foster
home ) I married my high school sweetheart.
Well, some sweetheart! He turned out to be a
lying, cheating, alcoholic, sex-offender. But I
stuck it out for the kids.

In all those years I faked the orgasms almost
every time! Very rarely did I ever have a true
one...

I finally have met a man that is romantic loving
and caring! His pleasure is mine. Since I
couldn’t cum, I have always made sure the guy I
was with came. Well now this guy is way
different. He wants me to be happy and also cum.

BIG PROBLEM... I cant...

Well, I have problems doing it... I get to “that
point” and then it disappears... I have even
played with my own clit, but still the same.

I get very frustrated and upset with myself...

His patience with me is awesome...

I try to relax, but then when things start
“picking up”, well I reach “that point” . . . .
and you guessed it! Nothing
happens...grrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP IF U CAN

ps. I can get MYSELF to come every time when I am
alone. Then, when I felt I was comfortable
enough to do it in front of him during our love
making I tried it. But, I reach “that point”
and still only frustration happens when I am with
him...

Thanks
Miss A

Dear Miss A,

You seem like such a darling person! I can just
see you getting frustrated every time you strive
for intimacy with your wonderful man. That has
to be unpleasant for you honey. Something like
that, reinforced by years of habits, can be
difficult to change.

But I think I have a solution for you that could
be both relatively quick, yet effective.

What happens to us in our childhood has profound
ramifications in how we think, react, and process
the world around us. It used to take a lifetime
of therapy to change that, and even then, it
wasn’t always effective. But new, far more
effective therapies have evolved!

The one I would like you to try is called EMDR
(Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
It can be read about at http://www.EMDR.com.
That is the website for the EMDR Institute. You
can even find the names and addresses of local
EMDR certified clinicians on the site.

What EMDR does for us is allow our brain to
reconnect within itself, in a healthier way,
about past distressing events. The therapy helps
our brain to almost reprogram our reaction to bad
things that have previously happened to us. The
treatment is so effective that rape victims are
not permitted to use the EMDR treatment process
until they have been to court and given
testimony.

What the treatment does is remove the fear and
pain we feel when we think about, or are reminded
of, some past trauma, such as rape, abuse,
accidents, war memories, etc.

So the process frees our reactions to certain
past events.

In your case, what is probably happening, is you
begin to rise toward Orgasm, but as you get
closer, the little girl in you starts jumping
around inside your subconscious head screaming,
“Be careful, it isn’t safe!” That distracts you
enough to keep you from peaking.

After the EMDR therapy, your mind will not have
that scared little girl screaming, and so your
concentration can stay focused on your goal.

In a way, it will help you lose that reactive
inhibition to your own satisfaction. As a child,
you were saddled with making sure daddy was OK.
He was abusing you, but that does not stop you,
as a loving child, from feeling that you have to
take good care of daddy. It is a testament to
you that you have remained positive about
enjoying sex. I am in awe of your achievement in
that regard. It is a definite sign that you are
a giver, through and through. And givers are the
light of the Universe.

So, lose your life-long fear of sex by being
treated using EMDR, then concentrate on allowing
yourself to “take”. Our orgasms require us to
take. That can be hard particularly for a woman
who is as much a giver as you are.

I suggest therefore, that you begin to think of
having an orgasm as a gift to your lover, a sweet
sensual gift to your knight in shining armor. By
learning to see your own orgasm as a gift to your
lover, you will soon learn to reach that
incredibly erotic place called Nirvana!

Please feel free to stay in contact as you make
your journey, sweet deserving woman.

Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice