Dear Deni
When I’m having sex I don’t feel anything
sometimes and it scares me. Is that bad or is it
normal?

I’m only twenty years old.

Piper

Dear Piper

Sweetheart, I am not certain from your question
if you mean that you feel no emotion or no
pleasure. So I will try to answer both
questions. I also do not know if you are male or
female. Your email address and profile could be
read either way.

Because of your age, I am not surprised if you
feel no physical sensations, nor would I be
surprised if you feel no emotional rewards. Both
of those come with experience and growing sense
of trust.

A good lover is a giver, as you appear to be
(based solely on your letter). But worrying
about a lack of response on your part is putting
undue pressure on you “to perform”. So, FIRST,
stop worrying about it, OK?

If we are female, one of the things we all must
learn is to allow ourselves to discover the
rewards of intimacy. For a female, the awakening
of our sensuality occurs over time, rather than
being a biological need. Males tend to discover
orgasm as a result of playing with their penis,
which they are driven to do by their natural
biological need to eject sperm.

As males experiment with their highly sensitive
penis, they discover, usually around eleven to
thirteen years of age, that it feels good to
stroke their penis length wise. Then, shortly
thereafter, they experience their first
sensations of orgasm. Often that sensation and
the resulting milky creamy sperm that ejects from
their penis is a total surprise. In fact, the
sudden gooey presence may scare them, unless they
have had a friend who explains it to them.

With females, their first orgasm may not occur
for years after they initiate sexual contact.
Females who have been taught from an early age
that sex is bad will sometimes never overcome
that early prejudicial input. For others, it
takes some time. Mother Nature made us to enjoy
sex. But since a female can have sex and not
orgasm, orgasm is not a prerequisite to neither
love nor conception.

Some lucky women can become aroused early in
their lives, evening childhood. Some women do
not experience orgasm until late in their
forties. But for those women who are not
naturally sensitive to sexual stimulus, there
seems to be an increase in their ability to feel
sexual around the age of thirty or thirty five.
In polite society, that is called “discovering
their sexuality”. There was a beautiful movie
about just that called “The Piano”. I highly
recommend that any woman who is having trouble
“discovering t heir sexuality” watch that movie.
Bear in mind, the movie is set back in the late
eighteen hundreds, so the moral attitudes toward
an openly sexual woman was much different than it
is today.

Today, young women are not as apt to have had
stringent negative input as to their sexuality,
and that is a good thing.

So, my delightful reader, if you feel no
emotional reward from sex, seek a different
suitor. If you feel no physical reward from sex,
take the time to teach your lover how and where
to touch you. Experiment; find out what you like
and what you don’t like. In general, soft
touches, slow caresses, and languid kisses will
cause arousal. Penis size and breast size have
little to do with reaching orgasm, nor sexuality.
SO discard any stereotypes you have there.

Experiment with your own body until you discover
what feels good to you! Read erotic stories
until you know what turns you on when you read
it.

Sexuality is a process, not a right. So
experiment, read and learn, talk to someone you
trust about what turns them on. And be patient.
There is no hurry. Enjoy the trip. Enjoy your
journey of seductive discovery.

And by all means, keep us posted as you travel.

Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice

Dear Deni

I come across ya page and been reading. I have
one question. You talk a lot about proper
cleaning before anal sex. Tell me what is the
best way to clean ya self. And how long before
anal sex should ya do this. :))

Dai

Dear Dai

Anal sex, . . . . . the old “forbidden fruit!” .
. . . . . . Home of the smelly stuff. Yet so
tantalizing to many of us! And, properly done,
it CAN be highly pleasurable.

Last week I talked about anal sex being one of
the first methods of birth control.

Then, this week, I read an article about some new
research that shows that anal sex (internal colon
massage) can actually make us healthier! Who’d a
thunk it!? Yes, research is beginning to show
that stimulation of the lower colon actually
causes some health benefits in both men and
women!

But, improper sanitation practices can lead to
disease, or injury, too. So be careful! Be very
gentle during anal sex. Your colon walls were
not made to be abused, nor cut, nor penetrated,
nor bruised.

Back to your question, how do we cleanse our
colon before we have sex?

First, visualize that your colon is shaped like
an ‘S’. Just inside your rectum (asshole) your
colon heads straight up toward your belly button.
But then a few inches in, it curves to your left
for a short while before it again ascends as
though headed toward your left nipple. Just
below your belly button, it then heads back
across your body toward your right hip bone.
Yes, sort of a circuitous route.

A normal man’s penis is not long enough to pass
that turn to the right just under your belly
button. So any cleansing we do does not have to
be productive past that corner.

Ideally, anal sex does not include full
penetration. But most men like to feel their
testicles banging against our butts. I guess I
can understand that. I have to admit that a
man’s testicles caressing my vaginal lips and
clittie is nice. But even if a man’s penis is
ten inches long, the tip of his penis is only
going to intrude into the vertical section of our
colon unless we are very small.

The method of “irrigating our colon” is not as
important as the need for our Sigmoid colon (that
‘S’ shaped part) to be voided of ALL fecal
matter. Personally, I prefer to control the
volume of liquid each time that I introduce
liquid into my Sigmoid colon. Therefore a
“Douche Bag”, like a woman uses to freshen up her
vagina, works well. Fill yourself, then void
into the toilet, then fill yourself again,
continuing until you have totally removed any
fecal matter from inside your lower (Sigmoid)
colon.

As I explained previously, you must make certain
that all the “poop” is out of your lower colon,
or it will cling to the skin of your paramour and
result in several unfortunate things: smell,
spread of germs, and colon irritation. Then, to
make matters worse, after you are “done” having
sex, you have to very carefully get off the bed,
or that attached filth will get onto your sheets.
Yep, complete bed clothes reconstruction after
that!

So several no-nos. Don’t use soap, or
disinfectants, or any other type of cleanser
other than clean water. Be careful inserting
hard objects into your rectum, such as the tip of
the Douche Bag ( I have actually altered a dildo
to accept the tip and shaft of my Douche Bag
inside the dildo shaft). Enter your rectum
slowly, gently, and carefully. A penetrated
colon wall is a very serious thing.

Repeat the internal douching until the returning
water is clear and has no odor.

Too much water, in other words, to high of a
volume of water, will cause the water to flow
into the transverse part of your colon and make
matters much more difficult. It is very
difficult to get a clear return once you have
overfilled your colon.

One observation: People who tend to be
constipated have an easier time cleansing their
colon than people who have soft stools.

One warning: hard stools can cause penetration of
the penile skin, or perhaps irritation to a penis
that is rubbed across it.

SO:
1: Irrigate your Sigmoid colon until the water
runs clear,
2: Do not use any additives to the water of your
douche,
3: Control the liquid volume that you douche
with,
4: Take extreme care when you insert any hard
objects inside your rectum,
5: Be very careful with the speed of anal entry,
especially until after the tip has completely
passed ALL of your anal sphincter muscles.

Answer to your last question: The less time that
you cleanse yourself before you have anal sex,
the better. Your colon is continuously
processing, so cleansing it too early will result
in a refilled colon. YUCK!

ENJOY!

Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice