Dear Deni,

What are the health hazards in anal sex
penetration? Why (in your professional opinion)
is this fantasy so often a male desire?

I have major issues in being the recipient of
anal sex. My beliefs are such an act is nothing
more than degradation to the female.

I am a professionally trained nurse, I do
however, know that anal penetration is enjoyed by
a vast number of women and often times they are
the party that initially requests being pleasured
anally.

My profound feelings are, when the sex life
between two loving and caring individuals is
completely satisfying to both partners, why then
is (I personally feel) the act of anal
penetration necessary at all?

I have discussed this with a potential long term
relationship partner, and honestly asked if I was
not in any way desiring to participate in anal
penetration, would that be a "deal breaker" for
us continuing a relationship. He responded
quickly, absolutely not. It would only be a
mutually agreed upon act but something I might
want to consider as enjoyable.

I feel anal sex is then not a necessary act that
should be "tried", just for the sake of
fulfilling the male's fantasy. I am a very
physical individual, open to "most" all sexual
activities, and enjoy a multitude of climatic
pleasures, however, I am not remotely open to
even "trying" anal penetration.

Ellis

Dear Ellis,

The answer to your opening question seems to be
different than the point you make regarding your
own preferences.

Most people are not interested in trying anal
penetration, initially. But men like to
experiment sexually much sooner in life that most
women. Lets answer your first question, then
discuss the rest of your post.

Men like anal sex for several reasons.
Genetically, men are predisposed to enjoy anal
sex. Think about it, the anus is located
directly behind your vaginal opening. The same
nerve bundles service each portal. If you
cogitate about it a bit, you will agree that that
location is not ideal for sanitation. In fact,
that close proximity makes one wonder just why
the two openings ARE so close together. But they
are indeed co-located for a reason.

I believe that in early human development, the
anus being close to the vagina allowed couples to
practice birth control without danger of
conception. Why is that evolutionarily
important? Because, a tribe with too many
members could easily starve to death during
famine or a snowy winter. Fewer children meant
less food that had to be gathered and stored.
Anal sex results in no children. It is the
original birth control.

Men are drawn to anal sex for another major
reason: Our anal muscles are much more powerful
than our vaginal muscles. Most women have little
vaginal strength, especially American women.
American women tend to think of their pussies as
a smelly dirty opening that is a lot of hassle.
They rarely exercise their vaginal muscles.
Therefore in only a few years, their vaginal
muscles are very weak. Weak vaginal muscles
guarantee that we are NOT as good in bed as we
could be.

Our asses, however, have great muscular control.
We exercise that group of muscles daily, often
two or three times daily. Any time we are not
conveniently near a restroom, we exercise our
anal muscles. A man with his penis in our anus
feels incredible muscular action. And they
really like that!

It takes special cleansings to make our anus
ready for enjoyment. But it is often worth the
added effort.

Now on to the rest of your tirade about anal sex.

Most people are afraid of anal sex because they
fear it will smell and or be “dirty”. No
question about it, unless we cleanse our bottom
properly and thoroughly it will be exactly that
many times.

Our vagina’s stretch when we have babies. Babies
tend to be larger than most men’s endowments.
After having a child, any woman that does not
exercise her vaginal muscles loses the ability to
pleasure a man in the same way. To remain “a
good lay” a woman MUST exercise her vaginal
muscles.

And then there is the taker vs giver routine.
From your rant, I tend to believe that you are a
taker. Takers are never happy. Only Givers end
up being happy. Takers feel cheated by life.
They strive to be in control, to want things
their way, every time. This drives the very
people they like away from them. They end up
bitter and miserable.

Your attitude toward anal sex leaves no room for
you to explore how your man really feels about
anal sex. You have already predisposed him to
agree with your antipathy toward that pleasurable
activity, whether that is how he really feels or
not. He is still naïve enough to think that you
will share with him. But you most likely won’t.
And then you will blame him for your unhappiness,
even your eventual breakup.

Sad but true.

Deni
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice