Dear Deni:

My lover has told me after we were finished making love that my scent is very pleasant, far different than his spouse’s scent. I somewhat feel the same way because after he and I make love I notice his scent is different than that of my spouse’s. Almost as though the spouse’s scent is a turn-off. What is that all about?

Phizer

Dear Phizer,

You have posed an interesting question!

We humans experience the scent of other humans on several different levels.

The first level of scent is of course that which others exude as a result of (or lack of) hygiene or diet. What is acceptable and what is not acceptable when it comes to body odor is one of those things that is somewhat culturally driven. Here in America, we tend to be pretty fussy about smelling others around us. In many European countries, they are much less hung-up on what their fellow human being smells like. Bathing is less frequent there, so of course the scents of others are more readily detectable.

The second level of scents we are aware of are those scents which are artificial, such as perfumes, deodorants, soaps, etc. When we are sexually receptive, they can act as an aphrodisiac, or as a signal that the other person might be culturally receptive to our advances.

The third level of scents is not detectible in our conscious mind, but is important to how we react to people of the opposite sex. These scents are called "pheromones". They are like little keys that turn us on, or turn us off as the case might be. Male dogs, for instance, are totally sexually driven by the pheromones of the female canine. If she is in heat, she is exuding her pheromones like crazy. The male dogs can smell these pheromones from a long way off and come running. Canine males cannot control their urges to copulate with her. Oddly enough, human female urine has some of these same pheromones that turn doggies on.

So to get back to your question, it is possible that your spouses do not have good hygiene, or that they are eating a diet that produces stronger odors than you prefer. But most likely, you have been around your spouses past that point when their pheromonal scents attract you.

You see, if you look back at human history, women who had their babies by different men have a much better chance of their genes being passed on down through the generations. Each male that sires one of her offspring will have different genes, and some of these genes will be more likely to allow her offspring to prosper than others. As I discussed last week, the odds that a person’s genes will pass down through to future generations depends on how viable the human traits are that carry particular genes.

For instance, lets say that one male carries the genes that give him exceptional depth perception and excellent hand eye coordination. The odds he will be a great hunter are highly enhanced. Therefore the odds that his clan will survive are much greater. And the odds that his offspring wills survive and carry all or part of his exceptional genes is also high. Consequently his genes are more likely to survive than say, a male’s who has no depth perception, can’t run very far or very fast, and smells particularly bad.

Female genes of a woman that has excellent color perception will enhance her clan’s ability to survive, because that woman will be better equipped to detect the differences in those plants that are edible versus those that are poisonous.

I suspect that you two have both passed that point where the pheromones of your spouse are acting as an attractant, and instead are acting as a repellent. Your bodies are subconsciously saying, time to produce offspring from a different partner.

This could happen for any number of reasons, but it does happen in a high number of cases. Only strong will power will keep you sexually faithful to your spouse when their pheromones are no longer attracting you.

Or it could just be that they have stopped showering as much as they should!

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice