Dear Deni,

For the first time in my life, and I am 43 years old, I fell deeply, madly, truly in love. With this woman I am not eating sleeping or anything! I have lost weight big time. I need some one to talk to.

I have always had my guard up when it came to my heart, and would never let a woman in. But this one is it!

Is there really a thing called "As soon as I saw her I knew"??

Please help! Never had this feeling before, but it is feeling very good, but I am so scared that I am going to get hurt.

TY for your time

Gina

Dear Gina,

Ohhhhhh! Gina honey, such intense feelings have to be scary to someone that is used to holding them in check all these years. Honey, honestly, you MIGHT get hurt! But is that a good enough reason not to follow your heart?

Let me tell you something about me honey. I have had the love of my life. I was married to him for nine wonderful years. He got cancer and died baby. For those years we were married, he was my life. He knew just how much I cared for him, how deeply I loved him. When he got cancer, he felt as though he was betraying me. He could not find it in himself to tell me he had cancer. So he just left me without telling me. He died a month later.

I was heart broken.

But, looking back, I have to say I am definitely glad that I experienced his love. I would rather have had the whole thing turn out happy, like the fairy tales, but it doesn’t happen that way very often honey.

Instead, enjoy we have to enjoy EVERY MOMENT of our passion. Don’t let your fears control your life, baby. Only the future holds the answers as to whether your fears had merit, had a basis in fact.

That being said, here are some basic guidelines for you to learn and think through regarding your new lover:

1. Only two givers are really ever happy together. If either person is a taker, happiness will be, at best, fleeting.
2. Every giver has to learn how to receive as well as give. If a giver cannot learn to receive gifts from others, there is no joy in giving for the other person. The gift of their love is one thing that we must learn to accept without question, and be grateful for.
3. Before you give your heart away, make certain that your new lover is not someone who believes their own lies. Someone who believes their own lies is a very dangerous person to be around. They can do evil and harm without ever taking any responsibility for their actions. Instead of taking responsibility, they rationalize their actions. And at the instant they tell themselves it is not their fault, whatever little lie they tell themselves becomes a dead certain fact in their mind.

So honey, enjoy the moment, but keep watching for the tell tale signs of a taker, or one who believes their own lies.

But if indeed, your new lover is a giver, and YOU are a giver, and they are rooted solidly in fact, just enjoy the ride! Here is no better exhilaration than a great love affair!

I wish you the best,

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice

Dear Deni

My husband is in the US Army and he is deployed a lot. We have been married 18-1/2 yrs.

When he comes home, we may have sex three days straight, but after that, . . . . that is that!

He thinks I should have sex with him the day before he leaves, and the day after he comes back home. But then when I do suck his dick and want to ride him, he goes limp. Is that normal?

My next question is, I am attracted to a 50 yr old man, very nice looking, and his dick stays up. Am I wrong for wanting someone else other then my spouse?

Kandi

Dear Kandi,

It sounds to me like you two have lost your sense of mental intimacy. He seems uninterested in you as a lover, and you appear to feel the same about him.

After a couple has been together for awhile, such as you two have, they can become more interested in their fantasies than in the actual physical contact with their spouse. That can be caused by a number of "things".

Those "things" can be more profitably read about in many published books and articles written by people far more qualified to answer them than I am. So, instead of rehashing them, you might ask yourself if you truly love your husband, or if he is just an "obstacle" that you have learned to live without because he is gone so much.

If indeed he is just a person that you "used to love", sit down and talk to him in a heart to heart conversation. Get down to brass tacks and ask him frankly if he wants to stay married to you, or if he wants to separate.

If he wants to stay married to you, ask if he would mind if you took a lover, in as much as he is not meeting your needs sexually. He will probably be indignant for awhile, but his potential will be easy to prove if what you say is true.

So Kandi, sit down and talk to him. Bare your heart to him. Let him see your frustration and sense of not being desired any more. Find out WHY he seems disinterested in sex with you. Is it just boring? Is it unfulfilling for him?

Kandi, ask yourself, do you do EVERYthing you can to make sex erotic, fun and exciting, and rewarding for him?

Now your second question. The real answer is "It depends!" It depends on whether you have done the self introspection, and had the heartfelt conversations I wrote about above. You may be surprised by what your husband will tell you.

So ask the right questions, get the honest answers, and be candid and upfront with each other. If your husband indicates that, yes, he would agree to you having a lover so long as you two stay together as husband and wife, you have your answer. Or he may say, no, let’s divorce. Or he may say, baby, I didn’t know you were so unhappy, lets start over again.

Kandi, which of these alternatives do you want to happen? Make up your mind, then work for the result you want.

OK?

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice

Dear Deni

How can I allow myself to have a orgasm it feels like if i let go i'll pee even after i have went to the bathroom?

Nichole

Dear Nichole,

YES Nichole, go ahead and cum. Go ahead and shower your lover with your sweet juices, your lust spurtings, your delightful wetnesses of love.

It might be prudent to warn your lover by saying something like "OH GOD! I AM GOING TO CUM! I AM GOING TO SPUUUUUUUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

But then it is YOUR time to pass that most incredible point of wet cummings, of vehemently discharging your lust, of rewarding your lover with your sweet elixirs.

It is normal, it is natural, God given, and it is WONDERFUL! GO for it honey. Allow yourself (and your lover) that pleasure and never look back!

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice