Dear Deni,

Nikki here, Samarel recently put my poetry in his basement.

I have a question that may have an easy answer, or it may have a more in depth answer.

HOW DO I MAKE MY BOYFRIEND GO OUT OF HIS MIND?
What REALLY drives a man insane?

Our relationship is awesome. The sex is even better. We aren’t afraid of exploring. I have asked him what I can do for him that makes him really hard, and he says that I do everything right, he says just watching me or making me cum is enough for him to lose his mind. We love each other so much and would really do ANYTHING for each other. But I feel I CAN do more for him.

I'm sure there are secret little tips you can give me. Especially on giving blow jobs. Because when he reaches his highest peak, I can't fit him entirely into my mouth!!
Please help!

Dear Nikki,

Congratulations on being in the incomparable Samarel’s basement baby! Isn’t that the most sensual place? WOW! I love it every week.

You ask one of the age old questions, "How do I make my lover go ballistic in orgasm?"

Well, there really are millions of ways to turn a man on, or a woman for that matter. But it all basically comes down to this: The mind is the true sex organ. Sexual teasing mentally therefore can drive our lovers to greater and greater pleasures.

Diversity is important. Men especially tend to get bored after experiencing the same thing over and over again. So reading erotica, watching others having sex (videos or real time), trying different positions, making extravagant sounds of satisfaction, trying the use of food items, or new lubricants, including others in our sex acts, exhibitionism, swinging (even in just his imagination), on line affairs that he can read the script on, all can help to turn our mates on.
And there are many, many other things that you might whet his appetite with.

Now bear in mind, you have to watch closely and ask lots of questions to see what turns him on and what is a put-off for him, right?

That said, you can do such things as going to a party together, then part way through the evening tell him that you forgot to put your panties on. Or wearing a loser than normal top out in public, especially to a party, and let some men look down your top to see your breasts as he watches you allowing them to do that. Wink at him while they are doing it. Their eyes will be full of your breasts, your eyes will be full of watching your lover watch them gaze at your delights. Most men will get a hard on while that happens. IF they are not the jealous type, that is!

Any number of scenarios like this can be acted out, such as trying on clothing or underwear as he waits outside the booth, and leaving the curtain ajar so that others night be able to see you.

Or bringing home a sexy girlfriend for a threesome can be a real turn on for men.

I think you are getting the drift here. Build the anticipation.
Play with his "toy" as you drive along, especially if you have just done some sort of thing that has riveted his attention to your body. Use toys that trigger his interest, like dildos or nipple vibes. Start having sex with him and have a girlfriend call at a prearranged specific time so that you know you will be having sex, then talk to her about a fantasy as he is inside you and driving toward his orgasm.

Bring yourself to a moaning orgasm as he is driving in public. Flirt with truckers on the freeway by showing them glimpses of your breasts. Call him at work and bring yourself off as he listens. Send him a toy at work that you want him to use on you that night. Send him an email with your delightful nakedness showing, time it so he gets it at work or while he is on a trip.

The ideas go on and on. Such as record a few erotic articles in your voice, read extremely suggestively, saying the four letter words like the f-word with delightful exuberance.

Let me know if you think of some more wonderful ways of getting him hot!

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice

Dear Deni

My question is in response to Deni's Answer to Ben (singles sex life) on page 13.

Why do you think all single men are single for a reason?
Are you arrogant enough to think that woman are the only ones that get taken?

I am single, but not because I am a taker,  I am single because I am;  Take your pick, it doesn't matter which.

1) widower
2) In love with a woman that for some reason out of each others control cannot be together
3) was cheated on, taken or hurt by a woman, that there afraid to trust again.

Can you explain to me why when a woman's trust is broken  by a man, that when she begins dating again, if she has trust issues,  that a man needs to give her more time because she was hurt in the past.

But when a man, who has trust issues, is dumped immediately when she finds out.  Because he is damaged goods. Woman seem to never give men a chance or help him get over the trust issue that will scare him for the rest of his life.  Woman because they are so ungiving will just keep making his problem worse each and every time they can not give a little understanding and just take another piece of his soul and trust.

Woman do not have to gather up the courage to go up to a girl and ask her for a date.  Woman don't have to suffer the embarrassment and belittlement handed to him after he finally got the courage to go ask.

If woman would just stop thinking about themselves for once maybe they would see that the single guy, who was hurt in the past really just wants to find that some one to take away his single status and join the ranks of the couples of the world.

Your answer suggest that woman really don't even care about other woman, because if she won't see a single man, then she is taking away some other woman's man, and has now hurt another woman.

Lucky (Steven) Gaut

Dear Lucky,

You, like Ben, sound bitter. That is not to imply that I am unfeeling about men and the unfriendly atmosphere that many females emit out there in the dating jungle. I have witnessed the incredibly callous attitude some women have toward a man that has indeed gathered his courage to ask her to dance, or go out, or some other "date" activity.

But you know what? Think of it this way, she has just eliminated herself as a potential mate and saved you a lot of money/heart ache/time/learning process! You know from her attitude that you do not want to get to know her ANY better than you do right now.

Many men, for some reason, think that some killer one-liner is what the woman wants. I can tell you from my own experience that that is NOT what the majority of women want. I have previously given some hints on flirting. And flirting is an art that needs to be groomed and practiced.

But it pays off BIG dividends. And it lowers the stress of trying to meet women at the same time.

Bear in mind that we women are easily intimidated by the superior strength a man innately possesses. As a woman, we fear being physically hurt, or worse, when we are exposed to a man’s requests for our attentions.

Therefore any man will have a much easier time meeting women if he learns the fine and gentle art of flirting. Rather than sit there and screw up his courage, then throw his total self esteem into some do-or-die "one liner" that makes the woman feel threatened or dos not fit into the "groove" she has going at that instant, the male should groom his intended target through flirting.

Flirting allows you and the target woman to begin to synchronize your "groove" and that allows her to begin to think about you in a more reasoned and friendly way. And all you really have to be is friendly. Flirting eliminates your having to take such a huge risk. Flirting allows you and the woman to begin to know each other before you even make a request for her attentions.

The fact that you may have been hurt in the past does not enter into a woman’s reaction to your advances because she does not know about it. And if you are still allowing past hurts to control your life, you are probably not suited to entering into a new relationship. Get past the past, then start looking at the future.

I know, you are horny and want sex. That is God’s way of getting you "back into the game". But you still need to get past the past before you begin a new future.

In point of fact, NO one "takes" someone else’s spouse or partner. What actually happens is that the spouse or partner was already loose and susceptible to looking. There was something wrong in the first relationship for someone else to be able to "pick up the pieces." If the "jilted spouse" is brutally honest with themselves, and does not just believe their own lies, they already know they were not meeting their significant other’s deepest needs. Someone else comes along and seems to be able to. Rarely does that turn out to be the case, but it at least hurts less than going home to face the hostility or indifference waiting at home.
Lucky, in the end, we are all responsible for ourselves.

Allowing someone else to impact our self-esteem or feelings is a direct route to pain and tears.

I hope this helps you understand where I was coming from in my previous reply.

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice

Dear Deni

Me and my gurl are at the point of our relationship, that we would do anything for each other. Should I ask her to pierce it? We never asked each other to do anything that extreme, but piercings really turn me on, especially if they're in the right spot.

Mordica

Dear Mordica,

Piercings, like a tattoo, tend to be a permanent statement. They are a perpetual reminder of who and what we were at that point in our lives.

A piercing in the woman’s clitoris or hood is less visible, to be sure. And many of my friends have found that it increases their sensitivity. I don’t believe a woman can have a clittie that is TOO sensitive!

So if your friend agrees to be pierced, take great care in your choice of who performs the minor surgery. Ask others for references. An infection in her clitoris can have permanent and horrible ramifications. So be careful, very careful.

AFTER the piercing, make SURE you give the piercing time to heal TOTALLY! Keep it clean and protected. Believe me, it will feel like it takes YEARS to heal, because you will both be horny and wanting to toy with it.

So develop a means of sexually satisfying each other that does not involve her vagina during her healing period. Know what I mean?

As an alternative, a nipple piercing will also most likely increase the sensitivity of her (or your) nipples. And it leaves her vagina available for sex . . . . . . . .

Then let me know how it went and how she likes it.

Smiling,

Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice