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Dear Deni,
It’s Mel (ldy_jester). Tell me
how to explain to a young woman how to masturbate and enjoy it.....
Mel
Dear Mel,
The joys of self arousal are sometimes hard to fathom when
our minds are unaccustomed to allowing ourselves to feel sexual
pleasure. So of course the very first thing that we must do is give
ourselves permission to feel sexy. Often, particularly when we are
young, we don’t even know how to recognize that we are subconsciously
inhibited. But if we think back through our childhood and teen years,
and if we think of what our parents, particularly our mothers if
we are female, have told us about sex.
Being required to always be a "good girl", to not touch
boys or let them touch you, to not flirt, to never act like a sex
pot, can ingrain a sense of guilt later on when we even think of
sex. Many, many women never get past that sense of ingrained guilt.
Therefore they never really allow themselves to let go and feel
sexy.
Next, after we give ourselves permission to feel sexy, we have
to then learn to touch ourselves. We should experiment, slowly and
softly touching ourselves as we discover what feels good to us.
These places that feel good to touch are called our erogenous zones.
Some typical places are our nipples, our ears, our necks, our
breasts, our tummies, our buttocks, our pussies, and our anus.
Some women actually can find great pleasure when touched ANYwhere
on heir bodies. Others have to experience more than just touches.
For instance, some people are visually stimulated, others are stimulated
by sounds, like the sounds of other people having sex. Men, for
the most part, are visually stimulated. Seeing our feminine curves
and shapes are a real source of erotic stimulation for most. And
some women also like to look. I LOVE to look at a man’s
penis, his butt, his smile, his pectoral muscles, his legs.
Videos that show couples or people making love, or masturbating,
can provide a steamy source of erotic arousal. I enjoy porn videos,
and pictures of men and women.
A female that is willing to touch herself will soon discover
where it feels best to caress her body. Then she must also begin
to develop her fantasies.
Let me caution right here that it is critical to distinguish between
fantasies and actions. Just because you fantasize about sexing
with someone does NOT mean you are intending to act out your fantasy.
In fact, it is VERY important to NOT act out your fantasy, at least
not until you have CAREFULLY thought through the potential consequences.
Consequences can be as simple as being embarrassed if you are caught,
or as awful as catching a lethal disease, or getting pregnant before
you are ready to be a parent.
As women, we must learn to carefully teach ourselves to think
things through and not simply acting impulsively. This is true
whether we are learning to make love to another person, or planning
a purchase, or choosing a life partner.
Back to the subject of our fantasies. We must learn to fantasize
because we must learn to stimulate that most important sex organ
of all, our brain. Women who refuse to learn to fantasize can rarely
sustain a long term sexual relationship. When they do not stimulate
their brain, their body just lies there and vegetates.
Few lovers want a "lifeless vegetable" in bed
with them.
So when we fantasize, we picture ourselves being sexual, and becoming
more and more turned on, and wanting to experience release, and
wanting to experience our partner’s release. This release is
called orgasm.
And orgasms are incredible once we learn to allow ourselves
to let go, and CUM!
So we fantasize about our bodies being sexual, and being touched
by our lover, or lovers, and pleasuring out partners in our mind,
and feeling their kisses on our lips, and on our pussies, and on
our nipples. We continue to touch ourselves, often pretending it
is our lover’s hands and fingers and mouths that are touching
us. In our mind, we allow our bodies to respond to their caresses,
even though the actual touching is being done by ourselves.
When we find some little erogenous place that feels good, we spend
time there, caressing that spot, and thinking about sexual pleasures.
It may take a bit of time, but like everything else in life, the
more we practice, the better we get. And practicing sexually pleasuring
ourselves allows us to learn how to respond to other people touching
us.
And a good loving relationship with our lover requires that we
have a good SEXUAL relationship with them. So it is important to
learn to respond sexually to others of our choice.
I hope this helps your young friend.
Deni,
Samarel Sex Guide Editor
Better Sex Advice
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